Ending A Sentence With The Wrong Cranberry
by Muffliato
Summary: It's not that Tony Stark thought a 'therapy session' with Bruce Banner would be filled with rays of sunshine and blueberries. But neither had been expecting anything quite this strange to occur. — Iron Man 3 and Thor 2 crossover, WITH SPOILERS FOR THOR 2!


**A/N:** Just got back from a midnight screening of 'Thor 2' (So is this the first fanfic of this? Maybe sort of possibly?)! I went as Loki, my boyfriend as Thor, and all of our friends were various Avenging awesomeness. We…might've freaked the heck out more than a few times. Can you blame us!? All the plot twists, THE BLOODY CAMEOS, them raising up my hopes before crashing them down with a fury that'd make SHIELD jealous?! Oh, AND FREAKING LOKI IN EVERY SINGLE DAMN INSTANT AND THE SUPERMEGAFOXYAWESOMEHOT END!

Seriously, the movie was beyond insanely amazing. I kept waiting for _this_ to be the post-credits scene, but as that didn't occur I sat up writing it at 3am. Yes, I know New York wasn't near the convergence point. I don't care…Stark industries might very well have an office in London!

Just in case it wasn't obvious: **THOR 2 SPOILERS MOTHERF******!**

**General Disclaimer:** Pray tell is the true creator of thy myths of lore? As Stan Lee is recovering from Odensleep, I surely knowest not. Except that nothing belongs to me. _Yet._ TA DA! See that? That's how you do character development.

* * *

_"I'm sorry, did I disturb your selective napping?"_

_"I'm sorry, I'm not that kind of doctor. It's not my department."_

_"Your training?"_

_"My temperament."_ — From 'Iron Man 3'

* * *

Tony Stark stared, blinking. "That's…entirely beside the point. You're looking at this the wrong way! Turning into a giant green rage monster makes you a _better_ therapist. It'd give your clients incentive to not be idiots."

Bruce Banner didn't even warrant this with a reply. He instead closed his eyes and settled against the couch cushion, clearly returning to his nap.

"HEY!" Tony's exclamation shattered all plans of sleep in the near future. "You disappear for two years, you refuse to do science, and _then_ you don't listen to your bestest pal's worries?"

Bruce blinked disbelievingly. "First off, it was one and a half years. I do have a life and—yes, Tony!—I enjoy travelling and helping where I can. I'm sorry I wasn't in touch, but it would've been difficult to carry tech around…"

"Not my products." Tony sulkily protested.

"…and anyway," he continued with a pointed look, "_you_ stopped us from doing 'science'! I landed, Pepper waved off SHIELD, and you dragged me here. Which leads me to the third point: those weren't your 'worries'. _That_ was your life story! Which brings me to something else I'm not; your auto—"

The conversation was halted when Stark Tower shuddered all around them. Before they could move or even think of going green, a wave of matter ricocheted over the room. But neither noticed this. They were far too preoccupied with the two figures who had appeared out of nowhere, thudding with a crunch from the ceiling to the floor.

"Is that…" Bruce trailed off, watching the prevailing fight between the men He, Tony and the Hulk were too in shock to move from their seats, "…should we help…"

"MAN OF IRON!" Thor, beaming through the debris he'd created, bashed his opponent into a wall and turned to his comrades. "It hast been many moons since we parted!"

"Hey, big fella." Tony replied weakly, warily glancing at his newly destroyed bar and the villainous-looking person regaining his stance. He jerked in surprise as another object clattered down from his ceiling, bouncing once with an ear-splitting _crack_. Both scientists looked at it in sheer shock. "…please don't tell me you know the Doctor?"

Thor quirked his head in puzzlement and a bit of impatience. "I know of some healers, but none of Midgard." Any further explanation from either party was cut short when, with a strangled cry of rage, the other man threw himself at Thor. Pushing both towards the wall of windows, the two disappeared with a flurry of scattering air.

Bruce and Tony, as one, turned from the wall back to the foreign blue police box. One of the few bottles left fell from the shattered bar table.

"I'm almost hoping someone's broken London." Bruce rubbed at his eyes, settling back the green. "Not that it wouldn't be horrible! But it's not bad enough for SHIELD to call us in and…well…compared to the Doctor, a world-ending scenario, and a _god being the 'companion'?!_"

"Yeah." Tony said vaguely before shaking his head as though clearing out his thoughts. "But never mind that! You're just trying to avoid the real issue here."

"_What?_"

"Yes." He at last looked away from the box to glare at Bruce. "I'm going to start the story again. Yes, even before the elevator! Every time I catch you falling asleep I'll do worst than poke you."

"…we really aren't going to talk about…"

"_Switzerland. 1999. Self-made demons! BLUEBERRIES!_"

"Right…you've already locked the door, haven't you? God. Thor. Whatever! Fine, but if the UK's destroyed I'm blaming you."

* * *

**A/N:** I am ashamed of nothing. I DO WHAT I WANT!


End file.
